He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
