Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
