are you still at the devil's house?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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