I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
