I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm at about main and main street
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
