so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
