Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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