i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
