Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
