my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
