You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
