So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
