Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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