I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize