Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize