just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize