ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
