what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can I color on your dick again?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
