You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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