She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
