3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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