I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's the barista slut.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They have beer where we have blood.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
