I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
