Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
pray to the hookup gods
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