new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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