i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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