Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
