Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
two words...techno handjob
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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