I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
