You're so nebulous sometimes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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