i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
