I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
