Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
