I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
