I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
