well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
