I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize