People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
