you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
