just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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