i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
