Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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