how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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