He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
