i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she looked like the before picture.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
