I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
