can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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