Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
