i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My cat gives me a boner
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize