did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
