Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
