I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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