i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ok first of all what the fuck
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
