We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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