I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize