got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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