i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
