and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
