Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize