Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
