I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
