Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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