Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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