So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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