Buhtt sex?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
