Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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