So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize