[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
