I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
