There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
