Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
